I shall continue..

So, my dad has been going to AA, which is a good thing, and is a blessing. He said he's going to try to go to counseling, which will also be good for him. He's living with his dad for now, and I'm glad he didn't move right back in yet, because it's too soon for that.

I also found out my dad's side of what happened that night, and it's so confusing to me.. I wish I knew what exactly happened, because I the kind of person who likes to know, because I hate the confusion.. but I'll never know, and I have to learn how to leave it at that.

My dad's story was that Judy had been picking at him all day, and he really didn't want to go out on a date. She got him to go, but he wasn't happy. Judy didn't like how he was up tight, so she got him a shot of tequila to loosen him up.

They went home, and he went into the shop. He admitted to my mom that he did think about killing himself, but he didn't because God told him not to, and he didn't want to abandon me and Brittany. Judy walked in, and started picking at him again, and he already had the gun loaded, and he said he got to a point where he just stopped hearing her.. but she kept talking.

He then picks up the gun, and she grabs it, and he went to shoot it up into the air to shut her up, and he did. That's when Judy came into the house..

I have two stories.. I almost believe my dad's more, and here's why;

The gun my dad had was a shot gun. The barrel of a shot gun is made long for a reason, and he wouldn't have been able to put it in his mouth and pull the trigger too, and when Judy told me that that's what happened, I visioned it, because I'm visual, and I knew that wasn't quite right.

Apparently, Judy told my mom a few different stories too, and she wasn't constant with the stories, so that also sways how I feel.

I think Judy was trying to make my dad look bad, and tried to hurt him, but ended up hurting my sister and I more.

This is a big deal, and it's still hard to handle, especially since I don't know whose story to believe.

So, there was my life changing event.

I feel like a different person now too. I don't know if it's because of what happened, but I fell really different. I look at myself differently, and my attitude about things has changed. It's a weird feeling, almost like I'm not really the old me. I just feel, so different.

I'm praying things will go back to normal.. God will make everything okay again, but it's going to take time..