Change.

It's very hard to see.
Just what you can offer me.
To go a different way.
Almost with closed eyes.

Change.
It's very hard to tell.
What it is going to sell.
It's time for a change.
It's time for another change..

I think change is the most difficult thing to have to go through. I've been through a lot, but who hasn't?

Christian and Taylor called me today about change. About going in a different direction: The hardcore direction.

I was pretty upset, and was holding back from crying so bad. Of course my voice was cracking, and shaky. I told them how I felt: How I felt like I had no voice, and it was correct. I want to play metal, and they didn't, and I told them I felt as if it were unfair. Especially since Christian has all the voice, and I told him that I thought it was unfair also because he uses the "I've got the place where you practice" and that's why gets the biggest voice.

I'm really upset right now.

I'm in the crossroads of "Am I going to stay with these guys? Or am I going to pursue what I know that I want 100%?" And it's a really hard decision.

I like hardcore, and it's growing on me more and more, but I don't want to be classified as hardcore and nothing else. I told them that too. Taylor said not being able to be classified as anything could be a bad thing, and I agreed, but it could also be good, because we wouldn't end up like Metallica when their sound changed. I don't want to hear "SELLOUTS!" all the time like Metallica did.

Christian had told me that if I wanted to do this, I would probably have to start playing with a pick. That hit a "raw nerve" for me. I told him straight up that was bull crap; I shouldn't HAVE to conform to the "new" bass ways. Another thing that got me upset.

I'm willing to build my fingers to make them stronger, and faster to be able to play this stuff, and I'm going to have to learn all the scales, which is okay with me, but I will not stop playing how I'm playing.

I told them to give me time to decide what I want.. and let me tell you, it's a very hard decision..