Late night conversations.

Can be quite fun. Especially if it's with a guy who's attracted to you, ha ha!

This only happens every once in awhile. Yay for random conversations!

This guy is ten times more interesting. It's not the usual, "Hey, what's up?" It's like I'm having a conversation with an intelligent guy, ha ha! That's rare.

Anyways..

So, I think I'm going to go see Mudvayne again. I'm pretty stoked. They're coming with Static-X. I'm pretty sure I'm going to have a heart attack if I go. I don't know if I've blogged about this already, but if I did, it just goes to show how excited I am, ha ha!

Anyways.. again.. I'm off to bed.

12:00: Music

If it keeps on rainin', levee's goin' to break.
If it keeps on rainin', levee's goin' to break.
When The Levee Breaks I'll have no place to stay..

-"When The Levee Breaks" by Led Zeppelin


.. bed time..

Good mourning

I had strange dreams last night. One, I don't really remember, and one I kind of do. The weird part about both of them was they were both about Kurt Cobain.

The first dream I don't really remember, but all I can remember was that it was about the picture I drew of him in first tri. All I can really remember is seeing it. Nothing more really.

The second dream was around the time of his death. It was in '94 when he killed himself, but for some reason I was the age I am now.. even though in '94 I would be about 2-3 years old.

I was in this huge place where there were thousands of people. People were hugging each other, and crying, and the whole amount of people were depressed. I was crying silently to myself. I guess I hadn't eaten, so somebody told me to grab food, so I did. I sat down at this table with the porn star Mary Carrey, and all I did was push my food around. My tears dropped into my food as I continued to push my food around.

Mary looked at me and said something like, "I know this is a big deal, but you really need to eat something.." and tears were running down her face also. Then the whole thing kind of faded out..

Not quite sure why these dreams occurred, but it was weird.. I guess I was just mourning over his death.

..What else could I write? I don't have the right
What else should I be? All apologies

In the sun, in the sun I feel as one
In the sun, in the sun
Married, buried

I wish I was like you easily amused
Find my nest of salt, everything is my fault
I'll take all the blame..

-"All Apologies" by Nirvana

Get a haircut, kid

I'm thinking about cutting my hair shorter.. not sure if I'll follow through with it, but I'm definitely contemplating it. If I do, it'll probably be cut to about my shoulder.. which is probably about three inches.. Who knows.

I don't know why, but it was just a random decision. But then again, I love my hair long. It's perfect for my "job."

I don't know.. I guess I'll have to think about it some more.

First day of summer vacation..

So, my mom asked me yesterday what I was going to today, and then she started suggesting things like chillin', nothing, and sleeping in.. until 7:00, ha ha! I woke up right at 7:00 today.. Pretty ridiculous, I have to say.

This is my last summer vacation. It's weird to think that. Around this time next year, Britt, Brandon and I are going on our camping trip that we've been talking about since I was in 8th grade. Yeah, it's been planned quite a while now. I'm excited though. I can imagine us three right now with no parentals around, ha ha! Pure entertainment!

I'm almost a grown-up now. In a few months, I'll be 18. I'm excited, because I'm going to get a tattoo! I think that's the only reason I want to turn 18, ha ha! I'll probably end up getting a cross, maybe on my right shoulder, that'd be cool.

Anyways, I'm rambling.

Peace out, Rock on


Chazzy Chaz Hetfield

Senior

That's what I am now.

I'm pretty much stoked.. not stoked about math because I think I failed.. but I'm stoked about being able to say I'm a senior.

Time is crazy. Really crazy. It seems to go by really fast. I feel like I just got out of grade school. I don't feel like I should be a senior because it feels like I haven't been in school that long.

Time goes by fast. Way too fast. Pretty soon I'll be out of the house, living with my boys, and touring the world. I'm still deciding what I'm going to do about college. I want to go, but I don't at the same time.

Maybe I'll go to an art school, or music school, or something like that. Who knows.. Whatever God wants me to do is what I'm going to do. He's the planner. It's in His hands.

Wow, it's summer. I'm going to get off and play some video games, ha ha!

Peace out, Rock on

Chazzy Chaz Hetfield

Yeah, well..

I'm sick of your bullshit!

You're an ass, and I see right through your lies.. fucking laugh at me.. I should have kicked your ass, you cocky jerk! Just should have knocked you straight on the ground! Then you'd cry like a baby, and then the joke would be on you!

The other three are fine, but you have to be an asshole and push me till I break. Even though I feel bad for what I did, you deserved it! You deserved more than that for 1: lying straight to my face, 2: being an ass every chance you got, and 3: attempting to turn this all on me. I could, and should have been ten times more of a bitch than I was!

Fuck you, dude! Sorry I assumed things, but you need to learn to have some respect! I know for a fact it wasn't you "just joking around," so don't even pull that shit on me. I'm not as stupid as you look.. you stupid fuck!

I'm sick of jackasses like you. Sick of the bullshit! I'm done. I tried to blow it off, and be cool, but you had to act like the cocky little bitch you are! Next time, I'm not going to be as nice. You think today was bad!? Well it gets worse, buddy, so "go ahead say it, don't forget I'm right here.. and listening..

You know what?
You know what!?

RUN!"

That feeling..

It's hard to bare.
It's controlling.
It's all I think about.

I've never felt it before.
I can't stand it, but I can..

It takes over quickly, like a trap.
I'm trapped in the thought.

Beat.
Me.
Down.
To.
The.
Ground.

That's all it does.
Never ending, and controlling.