That feeling..

I hate the feeling when you feel like your heart is actually breaking.
Or, the feeling that you need to cry.
I hate the feeling of knowing I've fucked something up.
Or, the feeling of having no idea what's going on.
I hate the feeling you get when you think someone is intentionally ignoring you.
Or, the feeling the person you care about doesn't want to contact you at all.
And I hate the feeling of being alone, even when there are people around you.

Last night I felt so alone, I felt like my heart hurt. I was freezing cold. I tossed and turned in bed. My legs, chest, and even eyes were twitching. I shivered like I have never shivered before. I felt like crying, but there weren't tears to do so.

I lied in bed, staring at my phone, hoping to hear from him, and nothing. This morning, nothing. Right now, nothing. I was scared to get close because of this, but I did anyway. I always do. Every single time. And I regret it, every single time. I wish I would learn already..

Then my mind starts racing; What did I do? What did I say? Did I hold on too tight? Did I not hold on enough? Is something else wrong? Should I keep waiting? Should I move on? What do I feel?..

I don't know. I'm pathetic. No wonder I can't be in a relationship. No wonder guys don't want to be with me. I'm the one who fucks it up.