I'm in love with a Ninja..

.. I was very, very wrong..
... I could get over him...
.... I did get over him....
..... I'll stay over him.....

That's because Steve came into my life. As we started going out, all the feelings for Jordan had melted away. Steve stopped the world to melt with me.

He told me that he had feeling for me since the first day he met me. He was going out with this girl Sabrina before Jordan and I started going out, so I stepped off; I liked him too.

I talked to him a lot about Jordan; Steve had become my best friend. He was still going out with Sabrina, but about a month later, she broke up with him, or he broke up with her, I don't remember. Before that, Steve would tell me that I should put myself out there and tell Jordan how I felt.

I did about a month after Sabrina broke up with Steve, and Jordan and I were a couple. Steve had gone out with a few girls during the time Jordan and I were dating, but then was single for a long period of time. Then Jordan ripped my heart out.

A week after he broke up with me, Steve called me telling me he was coming over to see me, and check up on me, whether I liked it or not, and sure enough, he did. That was huge. He cared enough to just come right over to see me, and he lives a while away from me; I'm talking not walking distance.

While Jordan and I were dating, he made a few smart remarks like, "How are you and what's-his-face.." and stuff like that.. He knew Jordan's name, there is no possible way he couldn't. I talked about Jordan constantly. Those comments were made later in Jordan and my relationship, mind you, when Steve was single.

.. About a month and a half after Jordan broke up with me, Steve and I were messaging back and forth on Myspace, and he kept hinting towards him and I dating, with statements like, "Well I just want to be liked in that way, like im depended on... and I'm tired of being lonely..." and "Yeah I have a problem with telling people how I feel, because I hate rejection... All I do is hint to them... And hopefully get a positive reaction..." These are really things he said..

He did the hinting thing, but wouldn't just go out and say what he meant. I was tired of the hinting so I told him that I liked him, ".. I think I like you." Then he said back, "Well I KNOW I like you!"

I really didn't believe him so I sent him, ".. Like the like me like me?" and his reply was, "Like, liking like liking the likingness of you... For, like ever..."

I asked him again if he was for real, and he said that I could ask all of his friends. It went from there, and we started dating..

I'm in love with a Ninja, his name is Steve, a.k.a., Ninja White

A sour dedication...

Now People Say I'm Jinxed,
I Got Some Kind Of Voodoo Hex,
Life Is So Complex There's No Telling What Could Happen Next.
Life On The Edge Fuels The Sickness In My Head,
It Imbeds The Type Of Thoughts That's Got A Lot Of Brothers Dead.
The Smarter Brother Knows To Keep His Foes Close And I'm The Type Of Brothers That Smarter Than Most,
A Cold Hearted Overdose Of Lyrical Antidotes,
The Cure To Make Sure My Karma Can't Take Me Down Up To The Same Old Tricks.
I Wonder If I'll Stick Around,
Is A Penny Really Lucky If You Find It On The Ground?
What's The Problem With This Town I Can't Figure It Out,
My Karma's Crashing Down In The Form Of A Black Cloud.

I've Got A Little Black Cloud That Follows Me Everywhere I Go It Takes Over Me.
I've Got A Little Black Cloud That Follows Me Everywhere I Go It Takes Over Me.

I'm Sick,
I've Got An Ill Disposition,
My Intentions Are Pure But There's A Cure For My Condition.
My Decisions Put Me In The Wrong Positions,
Chasing Pipe Dreams Of Fame And Recognition.
The Epic.
Not Only A Name A Definition,
My Game Remains No Matter The Pain,
I Stay The Charmer,
The Don Of Karma I Navigate Like The Dalai Lama,
I Ain't A Saint But I've Got Joi De Vie And I'm The One To Blame If The Cloud Rains On Me.
I Can't Complain About It Or Even Let Regret.
Provoke The Energy It TakesFor Me To Get Upset,
A Bad Boy Since Birth So I Can't Forget.
What Goes Around Comes Around And It Ain't Got Me Yet,
I've Gotten Wise In My Age And Tame The Threat Of My Rage.
I've Got Allot To Learn And I've Got Money To Spend To Pretend Is Reaping More Than Sewing Ever Could Mend.

Trade My Torches For A Dime.
The Pressure's Fading Away Now.
Black Cloud's Lifted For The Light.
The Pressure's Fading Away Now.
A Thousands Cigarettes Won't Change The Way We Feel.
The Pressure's Fading Now.
Can You Bare The Though Of Knowing Truth,
Knowing Truth.

I Was Rapping In The Rain Hoping That My Luck Would Change,
And If There's Any Truth To All Those All Sayings.
Cuz If I Kill A Spider Would My House Catch On Fire?
If I Walk Under A Ladder Would It Matter?
I Tend To Laugh When Black Cats Cross My Path,
Break Mirrors In Half Just To Test The Aftermath.
Now Here Comes The Rain,
I Protect My Pain.
Trying To Make Sense Of These Crazy Things.
I'm A Diamond In The Rough,
Could I Suffer Enough I'm Getting High For A Living Not Giving A Fuck.
These Hard Times Got Me Stuck,
Stuck In A Jam,
I'm The Monkey On Your Back And The Crack In The Dam.
Disastrous.
Took Time To Master This And The Past Is Just A Map To Capture This.
In The Darkness I'm Force To Adapt To This,
I Would Change The Past If I Could Have One Wish.

Trade My Torches For A Dime.
The Pressure's Fading Away Now.
Black Cloud's Lifted For The Light.
The Pressure's Fading Away Now.
A Thousands Cigarettes Won't Change The Way We Feel.
The Pressure's Fading Now.
Can You Bare The Though Of Knowing Truth,
Knowing Truth.

... I've Got A Little Black Cloud...
... I've Got A Little Black Cloud... ... Knowing Truth...
... Got A Little Black Cloud... ... Knowing Truth...

Scratch that..

The gig has been moved to sometime in May.... I'm getting impatient! I'm very excited about it, but it's a good thing that it's moved to a later date. We'll have more practice, making us better, showing people how awesome we really are.

Then, we'll get even more noticed!

Yay!

Go Excalibur!!!

May metal be forever!

So, I went to band practice Thursday, and we wrote yet another song. It is almost too metal, and I love it. We don't have a name for it yet, but it is coming along pretty well for it being only a demo.

We have a gig coming up on the 24th of April. I'm very nervous, but also very excited...

MY FIRST REAL GIG, WITH MY REAL BAND!!!

That is all,

Peace out, Rock on,

Chazzy Chaz Invisible Kid Hetfield

Anyways...

I'm sorry, I was RUDELY interupted by school...

... Things at home have been very interesting.. I've done a lot of crying, including last night's cry when writing about Jordan.

About three weeks ago, my papa died, the one who got me my first guitar, and sure as hell got me started in the whole music deal. I didn't really cry that much for some reason.. Maybe it's because a week and a half before, Jordan broke up with me, and I was failing a class.

He was in a lot of pain, and I guess maybe it was because it was comforting to know that he wouldn't be in any more pain again. I also realized that he would always be watching me. He missed my music theory composition concert in a way, but he was also right there listening to me play.

I'm in a new band called Excalibur. We are metal. I am the bassist and backing vocals, Christian is the drummer and vocalist, Taylor is the shredding guitar, and Justice is also the guitarist, well kind of. He is kinda doing his own thing right now, so might lose a guitarist.

This is a gift from God. I stopped looking for a band, hoping God would bring me one if he really felt I needed one, and apparently he thought so. I went and practiced with the guys to try out, and they thought I was increadible.

We also recorded a song on the first time I ever went and practiced with them. "In Cold Blood" is the name, it is an instrumental, and it rocks...


I suppose that is all I have to say for now,


Peace out, Rock on,

Chazzy Chaz Invisible Kid Hetfield

STOP! Math time.

So... I passed math!

Sad thing is, it was with a 63% which is barely a D, it's almost a D-. Luckily, I saved all of my work from the previous units, so I studied, and went in for help every chance I got, and it payed off. I didn't end up getting a tutor, but I made it through.

I started my new trimester at school, and I'm in math 3a; I almost failed 2b... The funny thing is I think I'm going to do much better in 3a than 2b.

My music theory composition went great! Except for the fact that my dad forgot all about it, and my step-mom didn't even care to see it. I don't know how my dad could've forgotten it; it's the only thing I look forward to, and I had been telling him for the past three weeks. If it were Kaitlyn's thing, or Brittany's thing, they wouldn't have forgotten, but no, they missed the only thing that I was in, and the only thing that meant so much to me.

My mom made it, but she was the one who took me. She is in Las Vegas right now, and I am not liking it one bit. I miss her like crazy! She left last Saturday, and will be back this Saturday. TOO LONG!!! She's the only one I talk to about everything, and I really need to talk to her about some things.

... I will return to this later. I have to go to the hell-hole... I mean, to school..

It's been awhile...

I don't actually think I'm going to finish my last post, there is just too much to say..

So I haven't posted something in a while, and trust me, there is a lot to say.. But unfortunately, I don't know where to begin. I guess I'll start with saying that the love of my life, the only one who owned my heart, took my heart right out of my chest, and tossed it like it was nothing.. This was over a month ago, and the experiance made me hate Valentine's Day even more than I already do. We had planned to do something for Valentine's Day, but were not able to see each other then. We then planned to meet on the Saturday after, to watch a movie, and exchange gifts..

The Friday after Valentine's Day, (It was on Thursday), Jordan had texted me at 10:30 at night to tell me that he couldn't come over.

It ripped my heart right out, because I hadn't seen him in about a month, and I had planned to see him; I missed him like you would never know. I got mad at him, like I rightfully should have, but then it went downhill from there.

The next day I didn't hear from him at all, and I went to check my messages on myspace. Let me say now, the night Jordan texted me saying he couldn't come over, I had a dream he broke up with me.

I see that Jordan sent me a message, and I broke down and cried right there. I didn't open it, but I knew exactly what it was going to say. I opened it, and tears ran down my face like I have never had happened before.

... He didn't want to lead me on. Apparently, he couldn't learn to love me back. He couldn't see that I was a loveable person. He said that the distance made it hard. He said he didn't want to hurt me but he did. He still wanted to be friends. He wanted it to stay that way..

Then why did you tell me you loved me, why did you want to go out with me, why won't you give me true reasons? If you say that it hurt you too, then why did you break up with me? Why didn't you want to make it work? Why couldn't you really love me too?...

It seems that in life, the question that never gets answered, gets asked the most.


... Why...


I'm sorry Jordan, that I loved you, because it's such a crime...