HELP!

I need somebody, help, not just anybody, help, I need somebody, HELP! I got back one of my math quizzes, and I see that I failed this one. Perfect, just, perfect. See, I haven't been looking towards having a tutor, but now I'm realizing, I really need one... LIKE NOW! I'm really trying to get my grade up in math, and Spanish as well.

I'm not the kind to slack off, trust me, I'm just a slow learner I guess. I used to like math, I really did. It seems like that's so far away now. I hated language arts back then, as I loved math, but that has changed. Language arts is my favorite class now, next to any music class I take.


Weird how that all works out...


Things aren't like they used to be for me. High school is hard, don't just take that from me, ask anyone who's lived through it. I do have to say now, I do enjoy it sometimes, I truly, truly do. It is quite a blast, new friends, classes, freedoms, etc. I will say now, sophomore year sucks a little. You're not a freshman anymore, but you're not a junior.

Luckily this year is going by very fast... Maybe even too fast...



I'm excited. This Valentine's Day, I can now say, I'm not alone. I don't think I've ever been able to say that... It's not Valentine's Day yet, but I have a good feeling Jordan and I will still be together... February 10th will be four months for him and me, and yes, it is appropriate to put him and me. I've learned the rules in language arts about when to put him and I, and him and me. I feel so smart!!

Well I suppose that is all I have to say at this very moment,


Peace out, Rock on,
Chazzy Chaz Invisible Kid Hetfield

Time marches on, and on, and on...

Still haven't done tutoring yet, kinda glad. I don't exactly know why I don't want to do it, just seems dumb to me,... I guess. I went to counseling, thank God. I got everything off my chest, and I could notice a difference in how I was feeling. I've realized more than ever that I keep inching closer and closer to graduation. I'm out of the house in merely 2 years, and I can't wait.

I'll get out of the hell-hole I'm in right now. I'm thinking about my future, and it is kind of scary to me, but I'll be free from the ball and chain I'm attached to right at this point.

I got to see my love on Saturday, that put me in a good mood. He was kinda quiet, not really himself, but I got to see him, that's all that matters. He has a condition called 'Ulcertive Colitis' and it makes him tired. He's been in the hospital various amounts of times for it too. He is sick a lot, so I don't get to see him a lot because of it, but texting is a constant for us.

I've decided that if we were to get married and have a kid, our kid would not only be named after Brett Favre of the Green Bay Packers, but would have many medical problems, between Jordan's ulcertive colitis, to my anxiety, plus many more problems.

In conclusion to Jordan and I, I had lost one of my greatest, most caring and funny friends, Kalob. Kalob was a good friend of Jordan's too, so they got along. See, I had liked Jordan for a long time, and when we started going out, Kalob began to be a jerk to me. He was cool to Jordan, but resentful to me. I know that he wouldn't just randomly be a jerk to me, we were too good of friends. I came to the conclusion that he was jealous of Jordan.

Kalob liked me, that is all there is to it.

He stopped talking to me, and there was nothing I could do. Our friendship had just ended last week, and that was it. Kalob was cool to Jordan, Jordan would tell me, but being the great, protective, sweet boyfriend he is, he wouldn't talk to him until he talked to me, until he decided to be respectful to me...

Nothing happened, so I lost my friend.


What can I do... I've lost the only other friend who could make me laugh all the time, and I lost him to something as stupid as this...

2+2=Lame.

... So I haven't started tutoring... yet... and I am not looking forward to it one bit. I have been quite stressed these past few weeks, but I'll be okay, counseling is this Thursday... THANK GOD!!! School isn't the only thing that is stressing me out...

My step-mom. I never thought I'd be in a situation where I could fairly say I felt like Cinderella, but at this point in my life, I can now say that, sad but true. She is the evil step-mother, and my step-sister, the evil step-sister. Life at my dad's house has turned into hell, and no matter how much I put my feelings out, nothing gets changed. The sad thing is, my dad and Satan, I mean my step-mom, are always telling me to tell them when I am hurt, and upset, but when I do, nothing changes.

I'm supposed to grin and bear it.

My mom is leaving for Las Vegas for a week, I don't remember when, but she asked me if I would still be alive when she came back. I said no. I am most definately not looking forward to when she leaves. How am I going to survive for a week without the one who keeps me sane???

Oh, please help me... someone...

School's out for, well, never.

School... Pointless... That is all I can really say. Finding out you have a D in math isn't the best news, trust me, I know. I'm not the kind to slack off, but test anxiety can really kill me. I'm really not the type to just sit down and study. I've tried, I really have, tried to make it fun... IMPOSSIBLE!!! I don't know how to make my parents understand that I have anxiety when it comes to tests, not to mention I have anxiety disorder.

What is anxiety disorder? Well, it can be caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain, so it is considered a mental illness, (not like a retardation), and it can be caused by emotional problems too. Well, lucky for me, I have a little bit of chemical and emotional problems both.

Whoopte-freakin'-do for me.

Sometimes it's tolerable, and other times it's not. Sad thing is, it's a disorder for life.

... To get on with the story, I did something that is totally embarrasing, for me atleast; I got a tutor. So, I'm going to see just how well that works, math isn't my strong suit, but I hope I can learn quick, so I can stop this tutoring thing... so I can gain back some dignity...

Until then...

This is me.

I am Chazzy Chaz Hetfield. The Invisible Kid. My life revolves around music and art. I love to write, draw, play instruments, and weld, along with many other things.

I am a Christian, and I have set my morals on what Jesus would do... sometimes. I don't believe you should always "turn your cheek", because I believe you shouldn't always be stepped on. And I don't believe it is so easy to put things in the past, because it isn't always "peaches and creme".

I've never done drugs, and I never plan on doing them, ever. I believe they are a waste of time. I get high off my music. Music gives me an outlet. I'm mad, I play my guitar, I'm sad, I play my guitar, I'm happy, I play my guitar.

I am writing 2 books right now. An autobiography called "Who?" and an action book called "Through the Eyes of a Gunman".

I was born September 29, 1991. The year of grunge-rock, as I like to say, (not to mention, the year MetallicA came out with "The Black Album".

MetallicA is my favorite band. I am a rock person. I'm not into rap, hip-hop, or pop. I like anything with guitars, basses, and drums really.

As of my personality, I am a peace-maker, and a fighter, which happens to be two complete opposite things. I am usually soft spoken, but when somthing upsets me, I let people know. I don't let anybody walk on me, and when I do, it's the first and last time.

I told myself I wouldn't write about this, but here I go. I have a boyfriend, his name is Jordan. I love him with every part of me. He's not only my boyfriend, but my best friend too. I've liked him for a long time, and I finally told him, and he liked me too. I think if we do split, we will still remain the best of friends, forever.

That is all that comes to mind, so far... I will be sure to update about my books, friends, music, and so on... so until then,


Peace out and Rock on,
Chazzy Chaz Invisible Kid Hetfield