Okay, I know these feelings aren't here because I'm not with Leo anymore, but I can't figure what else they could be from. My mood has been in the low range for several days now, and I'm searching for what it could possibly be.
I've been thinking it could possibly be feelings for Jordan.. still. I don't know what it was about him that kept me attached.. In actuality, he wasn't that great of a boyfriend. He never held my hands, and hugged me, or even touched me in any way (not sick touching). He never complimented me. I don't know for sure what it was.
Maybe it's because I miss him as a friend. I miss being as close as we were. I miss just calling him to say hi, and talk about random things. I miss just hanging out just because we were bored. I miss shooting hoops with him, and poking fun at each other.
I try and message him and text him once in a while just to see how he's doing, but his answers are always pretty short.. They usually are kinda short, but shorter than normal. I want to hang out with him again, but I don't want it to be awkward, and I have a feeling it would be.
He doesn't seem to have any interest in me whatsoever, even as a friend, and it sucks. And the worst part is, he's acting like this, and he broke up with me.
He never sends me anything. I tried to still be friends, but it seems like it's impossible. I've tried with A.J., Jordan, and Steve. A.J. is the only one who I can talk to just fine, but we're not close anymore. I've tried with Jordan, and still have nothing. I stopped trying so much with Steve.. I feel like it'll be a waste of time. Hell, I still can't even talk to Dalten the same, and we didn't even date.
I don't know what to do. I don't really think there's anything I can do.
I have this urge to cry right now. Not necessarily because of this stuff, but just in general. I feel like I need to. I haven't in a long time, and I think I'm due.. but I really don't want to because I hate it so much.
I don't know.. there's just something wrong with me.
1 comment:
Carrera, I think that you need to not worry about that kind of thing....like, boys. I think that you worry about it too much, like you need one to be happy, which I have always found a bit odd, as you're not in it for the whole feeling love through fucking thing like someone such as Betty is. you know? maybe not.
I just don't understand how you get so attached to these boys without hardly doing anything, if anything at all with them. Like, I understand why they might not want to talk to you really or be friends after that, and that whole idea is bad for you too. You end up still being obsessed with them and they know it and it just makes things weird. you know?
Like, things are awkward with me and allysen and such, but I guess there's more reason for things to be weird. I wish I understood you more, then I wouldn't feel so bad for flapping at you like this.
anyway, I heart you.
love,
Kati
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