Trust.

I never realized how much of a trust issue I had until something that happened today. I won't go into detail about it, because it's getting taken care of, but how I felt about it is something I need to discuss in my head, and on here, and maybe someone can help me..

I don't trust easy at all. I have a very difficult time doing so, even with family.
It's like, I try so hard to hold onto everything, trying to force myself to trust, but then things slip out of my hand. It's hard to know what to do after that, and how to get back on my feet.

What ends up happening is I lose trust of everybody around me, even if they didn't do anything to fuel the fire, and I shut down. I close off to everybody.. again..

That's my defense mechanism, but most often than not, it makes things worse. I've been in counseling for a few years now, and I still haven't learned how to take care of myself in that respect.

Slowly all of this eats at me.. I can tell.. even though I can be so happy, on the inside, there's something missing, and that's the lack of trust I have in people.. I need to do something about this, but I'm not quite sure what..