New eyes..

Things are changing around me. But the crazy thing is, is I can finally say it's all for the good. I've never been able to say that.

I've been playing a lot of music lately. I forgot how much I loved to just sit down and play my guitar. There's no stress to playing music anymore. I love it. I wrote part of a song today. The lyrics go like this;

"I can't erase,
all the things that you've said,
I don't see no point,
when it's already dead,
All the pain and the tears,
cloud the truth in your head,
weighing you down, like a jacket made of lead.

But I still carry that on my back,
even though you left me far behind.."

And the rest I'm still writing.

I've been looking for possible band mates. A.J. and Jake both messaged me about it, ha ha! Kind of ironic, but I don't mind.

So, I've been watching this seven part interview with Phil Anselmo on Youtube today.. really eye opening, and really sad. He was talking about his addictions that he's trying to recover from, and life in general. He's a really cool, yet mysterious guy. He's always been one of my idols. I admire his humbleness, and his dedication to music. He's been with music since he was 13: He's 40 years old now.

He talked about will, and love, and had this really great metaphor explaining both; how love is a jack-o-lantern, or something of that sort, that flickers, and eventually goes out. But once will is a part of that love, then the love turns into a lighthouse, that will always guide you back home.

I butchered it, but I tried, ha ha! The way he put it was beautiful, and so true.

Kind of made me think.. nothing really important, but I think a lot. That's what I do. I guess for some odd reason, watching that was an inspiration for me today with writing that song. The song is kind of about Christian. But, I personally think the lyrics are beautiful. It was good to get something that great out after trying once.. like I said, it's been quite awhile.

I think about the guys non-stop. I miss them. I was sad that I didn't play the big show with them a few days ago. I couldn't help but to go onto their profile and listen to their live songs; they sounded great. It made me cry. That night I had a dream about Christian and Taylor. I woke up sad, even though we were talking like buddies.

I had a rough day that day.. actually, my weekend didn't go that great.

Woke up from a dream about the guys.
While cleaning, my music was on shuffle, and they came up.
Got a bass amp, but my dad broke my bass.
Went to work on the car, got on the creeper, and rolled my hair in the wheel.
My knee kept getting shooting pains all through it.

Well, the list goes on, but I don't even want to keep ranting about it.

That stuff happened. I can't do anything about it. Moving on.


A new chapter of my life is being written. And it all started with,

"So, I left the band......."