Y'know,

I hate the feeling of, "It's over." It's something I don't like to deal with.

My mom is telling me to leave him, and of course telling me the things that I already know deep down, but they're things I don't want to hear right now. I hate that. Pisses me off even more; I won't lie.

I don't want to give up on him, but if something is going to happen every week, and make me down, I don't want to deal with that. That's why I wish I could talk to him. I want to tell him exactly how I feel. I want to know exactly how he feels too.

I probably made it worse by trying to get a hold of him a lot, but I hate wondering, especially since I dwell on everything. I don't want a guy that comes with extra drama that everyone knows I will end up taking on myself because I'm fucking stupid that way.

I like him a lot, and I know, or at least I knew he felt the same, but it's ridiculous how he'll just all of a sudden stop talking to me, and stop making contact whatsoever. I don't deserve that. I know that. But I like the way he makes me feel when shit isn't hitting the fan.

I could probably find someone else who will treat me how he does, but I'm too down to think of that right now. I hate relationships. Especially if one side isn't communicating with the other. See, it doesn't work that way. That can't happen. But guys have fucking brain damage when it comes to that.

I think I'm more angry than sad right now. I'm angry because I just want answers. I don't want to wait. I hate waiting. I've been trying to get a hold of him so I can figure out if it's over. I just want to get it over with, if it needs to be ended. No more waiting.. I'm impatient.

Fuck it. Fuck. Fuck the up fuck. Fuck you, and you, and you. Oh, and fuck you. Fuck it.

Fuck.