My stomach still feels like there's a mosh pit in it.
The only one I told in detail about Dalten and my conversation was my sister, Brittany.. she's the one I go to to talk to about touchy subjects, such as the one with me and Dalten.
I was expecting her to say, "Chaz, I don't think you should date him." because that's how she is, and even though she's younger than me, I listen. Surprisingly, she didn't say that. She was glad that he would still want to be with me even though I wouldn't have sex.
I trust myself too, and I know I can stay abstinent. But, I'm not going to lie; the whole sex thing has been on my mind since Wednesday.. Even though he knows my position on the whole thing, I find myself still scared.. not that I will give in, but the whole concept of sex.
I'm terrified I guess. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
Maybe it's because I couldn't imagine having sex because I'm disgusted at my body, and I'm scared the he would be too.. or maybe it's because I'm a perfectionist, ha ha! I would want it to be amazing, and perfect in every aspect.
It doesn't help that's it's everywhere.. my friends are having sex, and all you see on t.v. and in movies is sex. I know it's a big deal, but I don't think I'm ready for it.. and that's why I've chosen to not have it.
I don't know.. I guess I'm excited, but not excited enough to want to do it now.
It'll happen when I'm ready, and when I'm with the person I'm going to be with for the rest of my life.. I don't know if that'll be Dalten, or someone else. God knows the plans, so I'm going to leave it up to Him..
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