It was over before it began..

"I,
Was,
Never enough for you.
I should have known,
I should've know.." - "Never Enough" by Mudvayne


I am in so much pain right now. It's Christmas, and I'm in pain. My heart is broken. I don't know if it was me who did this, or if it was otherwise, but I hurt so much.

Long story short;

There is a 22 year old guy who likes me, and he is in Castedown, like Dalten was.
I wasn't meaning to rub it in his face, but I wanted to tell Dalten because I thought it was funny that he was 22, and that he is in Castedown like he was, and that that part was a coincidence.

I don't know if he took it the wrong way, but it seems like he did.

I went to tell him because I thought he would laugh, but he asked me a question about Castedown, and I got distracted telling him about it, that I forgot/ didn't have time to tell him the funny part of the whole deal.

After I answered his question, he got off, and the funny part was left unsaid.

He was bummed, and I asked why, and he wouldn't tell me. I told him that if it was me, that he needed to tell me, but he said it wasn't. And then he stopped talking to me like he used to.. and it broke my heart, so I got offline.

This was yesterday, Christmas Eve.. I texted him today saying merry Christmas at 10:30 this morning, and it's 6:52 in the evening. He didn't text me back. Merry fucking Christmas, Carrera, you get a broken heart.

I'm planning on calling him in a few days to explain, and to get answers. Even though, he's now in a relationship.. even though, he "really, really" liked me.. even though he didn't even hear the whole thing.

This was the worst rejection I've ever felt. I don't know how to explain how much pain I'm in right now. Was this because I doubted things, or is this a sign from God that I wasn't supposed to be with him?

Everything happens for a reason, but I have to wait to see what that reason was, but this fucking hurts.

Merry fucking Christmas Dalten. You have no idea how crazy for you I was. I know I deserve better than that, and that sucks for you. You missed out. You hurt me, but you missed out.

Fuck you.

"I should've know.."